The Most Interesting Man in the World

The Most Interesting Man in the World advertising campaign for Dos Equis (two X's) beer was one of my most favorite, funny and outrageous commercials. The bearded, debonair gentleman was played by actor Jonathan Goldsmith who himself had a very interesting career in film and advertising. The campaign lives on in Internet memes showing a photograph with some variant of the commercial "I don't always drink beer, but when I do I prefer Dos Equis." Since beer gives me migraines, my favorite variant on the theme is displayed above. Also, the tag at the end of the commercial was typically "Stay thirsty, my friends" which I have always assumed to be a play on Stay Hungry which is the only way I have ever been able to control my weight. The video below is a compilation of the commercials.

I'll have what she's having -- Estelle Reiner.

The Delicatessen scene from When Harry Met Sally, playing now at our house. Best quotes:

Sally Albright: "You are a human affront to all women and I am a woman."

Sally Albright: "Oh. Right. That's right. I forgot. You're a man."

Older Woman Customer (Estelle Reiner): "I'll have what she's having" one of the most memorable funny lines in movie history according to the New York Times. The line was written by Billy Crystal. More great quotes from the movie here.

Written by Nora Ephron (1941-2012), directed by Rob Reiner, music by Marc Shaiman and Harry Connick, Jr. and with a great cast.

Stooges: Press, Press, Pull

I was having a discussion today and the topic of generational humor came up. One of the questions we discussed was whether the clip above (or the Three Stooges in general) would still be consider humorous. I don't know the answer to that, but if anyone has any opinions, pleased leave a comment.

Joni Ernst (R-Iowa) Wins Bimbo Bakery Award for Most Off-Topic SOTUS Response

HORSHAM, PA: Today the  Bimbo Bakery announced that Joni Ernst (R-Iowa) was selected as the 2015 winner of the prestigious SOTUS Response Award. On January 20, 2015 Ms. Ernst gave the GOP response to President Obama's State of the Union Speech (SOTUS). In her response (transcript here and video here), Ms. Ernst was able to subtly weave in a comment about "plastic bread bags". The Bimbo Bakery Award Committee was stunned by the originality and seamlessness of her rhetoric.

At first the Award Committee thought that the mention of "bread bags" was a subtle attempt to attract the attention of the Bimbo Bakery. But, on further investigation, the committee concluded that Ms. Ernst was not capable of such subtlety. The text of her full transcript that won the award was:

You see, growing up, I had only one good pair of shoes. So on rainy school days, my mom would slip plastic bread bags over them to keep them dry.

But I was never embarrassed. Because the school bus would be filled with rows and rows of young Iowans with bread bags slipped over their feet.

What any of this had to do with President Obama's SOTUS is unclear but the mention of "bread bags" was unexpected, unusual and ultimately won Ms. Ernst the award.

Scott Walker Holiday Gift Gaffe

MADISON, WI. This holiday season, Governor Scott Walker is spreading holiday cheer by sending out Usinger's Famous Sausage boxes, a Germanic Wisconsin tradition. A little surprising was the gift boxes sent to Wisconsin Public Sector Unions (two boxes to the Police and Fire Unions), given that the governor has done everything he can to destroy the unions. The boxes sent to unions had the following personal message:

Ich sende meinen weiner, sie wieder zu geben. Homosexuell Saisongrüße.

Now, Governor Walker has made a number of public gaffes before (here) and this isn't a real big one. Walker nor anyone on his staff understand any German and he may have been pranked again by the Buffalo Beast. 

In a news conference, Walker commented "Well, obviously someone was asleep on my staff. Maybe they should have caught the 'Gay Season Greetings' but no one is going to jail for this. Have a Happy Holiday, everyone."

The Future's Not Ours To See

On this horrible mid-term election night in the US, for those who are disheartened, some advice from Doris Day:

Que Sera Sera
Whatever will be will be
The future's not ours to see
Que Sera Sera
What will be will be...

Sing it with me...

Do Animals Understand Teasing?

Wikipedia (here) says that "Some animals, such as dogs and cats, may recognize ... [teasing] ... both as play or harassment." Watch the video above and form your own conclusions.

Lady with Weasel

Ludovico Sforza, the Duke of Milan, was a serial philanderer and patron of Leonardo da Vinci. Ludovico's favorite mistress, Cecilia Gallerani, is painted above with Ludovico's heraldic animal, the weasel. From spectral analysis, it has been determined that Leonardo had to redo the painting many times to get the weasel to look as much like Ludovico as possible. It certainly must have been a great life to be a court painter.

The Final Years of White Dominance

Simplest way to explain all the cray stuff going in US polities right now.

Power Outage? This is helpful!

The power is out. What should you do? Tucson Electric Power (TEP) suggests that you log on to https://www.tep.com/outage/. After you realize that your internet connection is also down because your modem is plugged into the electrical outlet that isn't working and you forget to get an expensive battery backup system for the modem, your next stop should be your smart phone, if you have one.

Bimbo Bakery Animal Rights Award goes to Amanda Hall

HORSHAM, PA. For advancing the Cause of Caged Animals, Amanda Hall has received the 2014  Bimbo Bakery Animal Rights Award. Ms. Hall demonstrated extreme bravery by climbing a three foot fence and entering Wally the Giraffe's pen at the Vilas Zoo in Madison, Wisconsin. After Amanda frantically tried to find a way to set Wally free, the giraffe bent over, gave Amanda a lick and then kicked her in the face. Amanda received a $686 fine for "harassment of a zoo animal".

In an off-the-record portion of a interview granted to Capital Times (here), Ms. Hall said: "I don't get it. I've jumped over fences before at plenty of places like Wet T-Shirt Contests, Mud Wrestling and Mechanical Bull Riding and I've had guys kick me in the face before. Usually the guys get arrested but the cops just let Wally walk. Cops are like being so unfair. And now I've got stitches I can't cover with makeup. Bummer."

Afterward, Amanda went to Zoo Director Ronda Schwetz's office to ask if she could be entered in the  2015 Merbership T-shirt Contest but was denied. At that point, the Bimbo Bakery felt it was necessary to step in.

Is Time Travel Possible?

Evidently, time travel is possible if you eat enough Doritos. This commercial was shot by amateur film maker Raj Suri for $200 and took eight hours to complete (read more here). It won Dorito's "Crash the SuperBowl" contest and is very funny (I love the yellow lab with his face in the Doritos bag).

Time travel is a complex concept (see the issues here) and requires violations of causality to accept. My favorite "impossibility theorem" is called Presentism which argues that neither the future nor the past exists and therefore there are no "non-present" objects you might return to or go to in the future.

A Great Song for the MidWest Winter

It's Snowing, it's Blowing,
My hatred of Winter is growing,
Enough is enough, Is enough,
....

Remember Donna Summer, remember Summer.

Taking the Tin Cup Shot

Today I played a round of golf at Tubac Golf Resort in Southern Arizona. I had a great time playing and there are a number of interesting things about this course:

• Parts of the movie Tin Cup were shot on this course  and you can play one of the "impossible shots" seen in the film.
• Your first tee shot on the Rancho nine (the course has 27 holes, the Otero, Anaz and Rancho nines, we played Rancho/Otero) is made (literally) from a bull pen with a live bull in it (see the lower-left image in the graphic below, this is not BS but there was a lot of it around the first tee). Luckily, he's a pretty sleepy, over-weight guy--but not to be messed with or hit with an errant drive!
• This weekend, they are having a classic car show to be staged on the practice range. One of street machines arrived as we were leaving (see the lower-right image in the graphic below).

The most notorious "impossible shot" scene from Tin Cup is where Roy "Tin Cup" McAvoy (played by Kevin Costner in the video above) has a chance to win the US Open (an impossible dream for Roy McAvoy, heavy drinking, down-and-out driving-range golf pro from West Texas). Instead of playing a sensible lay-up shot, Roy goes for the "impossible" 240-yard 3-wood shot over water, puts that one and a bunch more into the water to end up with a score of 12 on the hole (it was a par 5) to loose the tournament.

Earlier in the movie, Roy actually did make a similar impossible shot. That earlier scene was filmed at the Tubac Golf Resort (from the website):

Rancho # 4 - This long par 5, Tubac’s Tin Cup hole, requires three well struck shots to reach the green. Keep tee and second shots on the fairway’s right side, away from the trees and thick rough on the left. The pond fronting the green prevents all but the longest hitters from getting “home” in two. This hole was the setting for the scene in the movie “Tin Cup” where Kevin Costner was caddying for Don Johnson and Johnson wanted to lay up with a seven iron. Costner said he could do it and that is when Gary McCord, Peter Kostis, Craig Stadler and a young Phil Mickelson began to wager on whether or not he could pull it off.

On the Rancho #4 hole at the Tubac Golf Resort a plaque is set in the right rough, 240-yards over water to the pin. The plaque (upper-left image in the graphic above) says:

"Tin Cup-3 Wood" From this Spot "Roy McAvoy" hit it onto the green. GIVE IT A SHOT. 10-4-75

There were a handful of divots beside the plaque in the rough and it was a challenge I had to take. (Some background: I'm not really a great 3-wood player and seldom hit it from the fairway but in this case I was able to fluff the ball up on a tuft of grass in the rough so it was worth the try). My goal was to hit the ball into the water hazard (this would have been quite a poke for me since I can probably realistically hit the 3-wood between 210- and 220-yards) and say I took the tin cup shot.

I hit a pretty good shot but ended up well short of the water hazard (see the upper-right image in the graphic above). After the round, my playing partner asked the starter if any of the members have ever made the shot. He answered: "Hell no, they're all too old and none of them actually hit their driver 240-yards." Well, there you have it, another Bucket List checkmark: 

[X] Take the Tin Cup shot.

(My actual score on Rancho #4, after laying up with a 7-wood, was 5).

Homeland Security Update

Homeland Security spokesperson Craig Fenson (played by Robert Deniro) provides an SNL terrorism update. He was introduced by Homeland Security Secretary Tom Ridge (that scene was deleted from the video for security reason) who raised the terrorism threat level to MAGENTA before Mr. Fenson provides the "Most Wanted" list. The full transcript appears below:

 Tom Ridge: Good afternoon! Before we begin today's briefing, I wish to announce that, on the basis of change in the nature of Al-Queda chatter, we are changing the current threat level to Magenta. Let me repeat: the threat level is now.. Magenta. What is Magenta? It's a darker maroon. It's not quite an ox blood. It's more plum color than.. say.. a crimson. How serious is it? [ sighs ] I honestly don't have an answer for that. We'll try to have that for you by early in the week. In any case, I'd like to introduce Craig Fenson, the new senior spokesman for the office of Homeland Security, and he'll be happy to take your questions.

Craig Fenson: Good afternoon. In the past few weeks, through our national hotline, we have collected hundreds of names of suspected terrorists, and I'm proud to say that most of the calls have come from high school and college students nationwide. In fact, we received over 475 calls alone regarding this man: M'Balz Es-Hari. We also received information on such nefarious terrorists such as Graabir Boubi, and Haid D'Salaami and.. let this be a message to you, Haid D'Salaami: we will not play your dangerous games We are also currently searching for a man we believe to be a Al Queda leutinant: Hous Bin Pharteen, his cousin I-Bin Pharteen, and their close companion I-Zheet M'Drurz. Question over there?

 Reporter #1: Is there a way to identify Hous Bin Pharteen?

 Craig Fenson: Ah.. our operatives have picked up his scent. Also, according to our intelligence, he is targeting gas refineries, fertilizer plants, and, oddly enough, baked bean canneries. He is a silent, but deadly killer.

 Reporter #2: What can you tell us about I-Zheet M'Drurz?

 Craig Fenson: We're told that, when he was fleeing the scene of his last attack, he left skidmarks. He is extremely dangerous. Our sources say that he is planning on attacking the New York City sewer system with what we believe it is to be a dirty bomb.

 Reporter #3: Do you have any other names you're willing to release?

 Craig Fenson: Yes! Please call our hotline at once if you have any information on the following men: Shaif Hirboush.. Al-Suq Akweer.. Mustaf Herod Apyur Poupr. I hope I got that right! Awan Afuqya.. Yul Strokheet Al-Wauch.. Apul Madeek - who we believe will be targeting adult bookstores sometime in the near future. And this man, the notorious Yuliqa M'Diq, A.K.A. Uwana M'Diq, A.K.A. Usuqa M'Diq. Uh.. thank you, that is all, and, "Live, from New York, it's Saturday Night!"

 Thanks to Charles Spivey for this transcript!

National Park Employees Looking for Bears During the Shutdown

The Daily Show with Jon Stewart
Get More: Daily Show Full Episodes,The Daily Show on Facebook Bear (gay culture) df= a large, hairy man who projects an image of rugged masculinity.

Is An Informed Citizenry Necessary for Democracy?

You have to hand it to the GOP. Give something a derogatory name and watch the Silent Majority come out against it. By the way, the full name is the Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act, which the GOP voted for in 2010 (maybe they didn't understand at the time that it was the same as Obamacare).

Surprise: Something is Wrong at KTVU, the Fox Affiliate in Oakland, CA

The Colbert Report
Get More: Colbert Report Full Episodes,Video Archive

Colbert: "If you're going to tell a racist joke, at least get the nationality right."

Best Parody Golf Ball Endorsement: "I Play Rangé"

My neighbor Carlos Sartori played the clip above for me last night. It's absolutely the funniest parody golf ball endorsement I have ever seen by John Hurley who you will probably recognize from his many comic TV roles (for the real thing, try the Titleist U.S. Open endorsement commercial here). If you are not a golfer, range balls (rangé balls) are the worst. They have been hit literally millions of times by mostly hackers, have laid out in the elements on the driving range over night and would never be teed up in mixed company by any self-respecting golfer. What is even funnier to me is that I would guess John Hurley is actually a pretty good golfer!

Rickie Fowler Wakes Up at ESPN

No, Rickie Fowler is not color blind, but he can play golf (and has a sense of humor about it)!